Finding my way

“Look closely at the present you are constructing: it should look like the future you are dreaming.” - Alice Walker

I dream of futures where we share our innerworlds with one another, authentically + vulnerably, trust overflowing. I dream that this exchange is not a transaction or monetized product. I dream of being able to hear about your innerworld, free of fear of lack or striving to survive/succeed. I dream of our lives feeling content because we are engaged in the process of living. I dream of creating alongside you because creating benefits our hearts + community, not because we are afraid we won’t eat.

I dream of a future where the ability to be fed, housed and cared for is not tied to how well you produce. I dream of a future where the energy I use in the day is not monetized to help fuel global markets. I dream of days spent growing food, looking at the birds, cooking outside, singing songs at a fire and stretching under the stars before bed.

I dream of futures where we still have clean water to nourish ourselves and our gardens. I dream of futures where I get to hug the ones I love, and laugh the type of laughter available when you feel well emotionally, mentally and physically.

What is the future you are dreaming of?

**What is the present we are constructing?**

All is possible, especially if we practice.

Will you practice with me?

I am arriving to this space, experimenting with a new format for this written offering. I am often asking myself: What are the skills, knowledge or resources you have to offer in this moment? What is best use of your energy in service to your beloved community? These questions have led me to a present that gives me hope in many ways. I am witnessing seeds bloom that were thrown last year and left untended. I am seeing food form on the stem and emerge from the soil. That is all while witnessing many things that are unimaginable. And each day I am reminded that we are many and they are few. I am trusting that the actions of a few will not override the power of the people.

Many receiving or reading this, I first met as a facilitator in spaces where we were attempting to create access, hold spaces of safety, belonging, accountability and change. Those spaces taught me so much and continue to shape my answers, my present and my dreams. I am arriving to this space experimenting with a format that pulls from my facilitator practice + personal practice.

My intention is rooted in sharing my practices and removing the transaction that has been historically attached to it. I am hoping to deepen my interactions with people near and far and learn alongside others in ways that take form organically. I am trusting this is one part of moving towards the future I dream of.

with radical love + hope,

kelley

I am presenting it in sections so you can check out a little or all of it, come back and quick reference sections with ease. Please share with others. Please reach out via email to connect. kelleynicolepalmer@proton.me

This iteration includes:

Resources That Spark: Things that are currently inspiring joy, curiosity, deeper understanding + contemplation

Questions I Am Holding: Contemplative questions for further reflection

Shared Understandings: context and definitions for language I am sharing in my personal reflections + contemplative practice.

Personal Reflection

Resources the Spark

No More Water: The Gospel of James Baldwin [YouTube playlist]

What I have Read since 2024 [evolving list]

Bird Song on a June morning [mp4 recording]

Searching For Augusta Savage [YouTube video]

All The Women Are White, All the Blacks Are Men, But Some Of Us Are Brave [pdf link to book]

WAKE: The Hidden History Of Women Led Slave Revolts [pdf link to book]

Questions I Am Holding

What do I want to release for the future I am dreaming of?

What do I do with those feelings?

What do I need to practice for the future?

What are the skills, knowledge, resources I have to offer in this moment?

What is best use of my energy in service to my beloved community?

Shared Understandings

AGILE: having a quick resourceful and adaptable character.

POSSIBLE: being within the limits of ability, capacity, or realization

COMPOSTING: the natural process of recycling feelings, experiences, patterns and perspectives, such as grief and anger, into a valuable fertilizer that can enrich our perspectives, actions, boundaries and choices.

TRUST: belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of.

Personal Reflection

What do you want to release for the future your are dreaming of?

I dream of releasing rigidity, one right way, needing to prove and patterns rooted in striving.

I dream of being AGILE

Spring was intense. Summer’s arrival asked even more. It all unfolded in what feels like days. My days have been beginning at 555am most mornings, some times earlier. The sun peeks through the canopy and the birds loudly start the day with BIRDSONG that pulls me outside. Early mornings provide the space to be with the wide perspective of feelings I am holding in this moment. I am up at 555am living inside of my dreams come true… Right inside of a nightmare. I am using my body and brain to co-create a community sustenance garden and food forest, build a timberframe tiny house and establish important infrastructure at UALP. I am exhausted in ways I have not experienced in a very long time. I have to be committed to daily movement practice that supports my joints and muscles and contemplative activities that nourish my energetic body. I take breaks to rest. I am drinking my water.

I am focused on being strong, rested, nourished, vital and agile. I am making myself available to sadness, grief, anger and confusion. In this current social, political and cultural moment, I am often wondering: What are we witnessing? What is best use of energy right now? How do we take care of our beloved communities?

In a recent conversation I was crying to Nico about feelings that rise that can feel unbearable for me, Nico asked me: “What do you do with those feelings?” And I went to bed thinking about it. I used to ignore them, stuff them away. I know that is a pattern to release in the name of liberation. In this moment I am choosing a practice of composting. I am choosing to do the intentional work that allows even that which is tender, scary, or hard to contribute to wholeness + liberation that build the future I am dreaming of.

What do I need to practice for the future?

I read to be inside of other worlds, varied experiences and perspectives. I read because I want to build new worlds. Lately, I am deeply curious about the ways we have taken care of one another, especially as we liberated ourselves and built new worlds. I have been doing reading lately that is rooting me deeply in imagining, dreaming and learning the history of care by my beloved ancestors. I recently finished reading Combee: Harriet Tubman, the Combahee River Raid, and Black Freedom during the Civil War [reading list 2024-present]. Do you know Harriet was making pies to organize the people? Left me thinking about how I organize my people through movement, nourishment and practice spaces.

I am so grateful for the opportunities this season I had to feed others. I do love cooking and I am finding more and more chances to make food for others as we host community work days, gather with others and practice sharing food resources to feed multiple households. I have even led group movement a few times in the woods. I am holding in my mind that our ancestors liberated themselves from enslavement in the US. Once they were free they always focused on forming communities of care, often collectively stewarding land to house and feed those around them.

In a workshop 10 summers ago Rev Angel Kyodo Williams closed our time by stating: the solution to the problem does not yet exist.

I think often about that statement as I practice and experiment with those around me. I am deeply rooted in the belief that we are going to have to do something completely new for ourselves. Something radical. Even without a fully flushed out plan. Even without experience. Any mistakes are data for us to learn and grow. We are going to have to do something “new” to ensure we can meet the needs of people we know and people we don’t yet know. Anything for our collective future.

I am trusting that by practicing for the future I believe in it is on its way.

Thank you for being. Thank you for taking time to engage this offering. May it support your wellbeing, clarity, agency + liberation.

May you be nourished. May you feel cared for. May you trust your heart. May you have what you need to feel safe, rested + free. May you know you can reach out to me to dream about the future together.

Thank you to everyone who supported the youth in getting to camp. Your books are on the way. They are deep in a forest, having quite a time. My gratitude continues to deepen for community willing to help us make that dream come true for them. I still have some copies of WHOLENESS IS MINE available.